Behind... Ahead

Happy New Year!

2011

The end of December and beginning of January is a season of deep reflection for me. My Birthday comes December 22nd, and 3 days later the celebration of the birth of Christ, followed by the changing of the year six days later, bringing about both a sense of departing and a feeling of newness.

Wow, its a loaded season, but oh so good! About six years ago I began the practice of writing a brief entry on "The Year in Review" on my Birthday. I entitle each one with the age I am finishing up... year 28, year 29... you can do the math! It is fun to look back and recount those moments that I don't ever ever want to forget, and at the same time acknowledge the lessons learned, and moments of hurt, confusion, the "growing pains."

Christmas, put simply, is just the bomb! I have always looked forward to the entire advent season... the feelings of anticipating "the most wonderful day of the year", the constant parties, fabulous drinks, fabulous food, seeing old friends, hearing from friends who live far away, preparing gifts, the living room filled with the warmth of the lights on the tree... an entire season to spoil the people you love with gifts and grattitude, and party till the punch is gone. I have a hunch as to why this is, but the Christmas season just seems to get better with time. I am no longer a tyke, who can't wait until the sun comes up on Christmas morning so that I can devour my presents like Ralphie did, wondering if my "Red Ryder Bee Bee Gun" is under that sparkling tree; I am a big girl now, and the significance of the celebration has taken on an even stronger thrill. Its hard to explain, but I'm going to try...

I think the longer I live life, the more injustice, pain, loss, loneliness, and brokenness I witness others experiencing, and I experience myself. There is nothing worse than taking care of a child in the hospital who is there because they were physically harmed by the people who were supposed to love and nurture them. The unadulterated optimism of a child meets the cold reality of a world that is very broken. And despite our human intellect, education, technological advancement, and progressive industrialization, its still broke. Good people get cancer, children are hungry, and there are car accidents happening all over the world, every second. The more I observe "the broke part" happening to the people I love and to myself, the deeper the grattitude sinks into my soul, Thank you Thank you Thank you Jesus, for coming. God, thank you for delivering on your promise of sending your Son to our world. Another round of punch, please! There has never been a better reason to celebrate!

Put very simply and in purest cliche, I love Christmas!

So then comes the New Year. Summing up the old year has already been done on December 22nd, the greatest party of the year has already taken place on December 25th, so what's left?... its time to look ahead. I have been given the gift of another year... more time, more love, more learning, more hurting, more growing.

I've never been one for New Year's Resolutions. Not really sure why. Perhaps its for a similar reason that I do not give things up for lent, and I refused to see "The Titanic" when it came out, I waited 5 years for my first viewing. If the band wagon is going one way, I am likely trying to run in the opposite direction. Its not always the best direction, but its my natural inclination.

I do however, like to wonder about the year ahead, what I desire to accomplish, where I'd like to travel, what unexpected adventures might pop up, the surprises that await me. I suppose the part about "desire to accomplish" is just a fancier way of saying "New Years Resolution." Haha! I've been beat! I am officially on the bandwagon!

So in the Spirit of New Year's Resolutions, I sat down this afternoon to write, and these words came to my mind:

"Wilbur, you have work to do."

One of my most favorite movies is "Amazing Grace" which portrays the life work of William Wilberforce, a tenacious and long suffering Brit who persuaded Parliament to end the Slave Trade in England in the early 1800's. The preacher of his youth, John Newton, played by Albert Finney, urges the young politician to get back to work, the work that would ultimately spare hundreds of thousands of lives, and stated quite simply, change the world.

Now my work isn't on the scale of saving thousands of lives. But I am inspired every time I watch that movie or hear those words, you have work to do. I watch it over and over to remind myself that God accomplishes good on this globe, in the midst of all the ugly stuff we hear and see on the news, we are capable of works of incredible justice and good, with His power, His help, His prompting. And often times the works of good are those that we desire most.

Right now I want to sit down and write words that will encourage people to live fuller and stronger and harder. To live with more joy, purpose, and depth. To live without fear, in total hope, immersed in a deep sense of peace. To know that there is nothing in this life, no barrier, obstacle, offense, injustice, that cannot be overcome. Though death is inevitable for all, even then, one's spirit cannot be crushed. This is why I write, it is the desire of my heart.

And so Wilbur, you have work to do.

But if writing is the desire of my heart now, then why is it so damn hard to sit down and do it? Why can I come up with a long list of "better" options, often times very good things such as skiing Vail, cooking a fabulous meal for Dan, coffee dates with friends, or even volunteering for Project Cure? And eventually my excuses digress into the more mundane life tasks such as putting gas in the car and folding laundry. To the lessers I say Good riddance! I'll fill up on the way to work tomorrow, and I will dig my socks out of the pile when I need them. And to the greaters I say: prioritize, be diligent, Vail is not going anywhere, and you cooked dinner for Dan last night. Bottom line, don't let the fear of failure stop you. Don't replace what you really want to accomplish with a lot of very good things.

Of course I write this to myself, my own personal pep talk gone public. And yet I believe very strongly that we all have been made to do something, we all have something special to offer the world, and if we don't do it, the world will be a lesser place. It sounds like a hallmark card, but I believe it entirely. In the words of Dietrich Bonhoeffer,

"A calling exists when your deepest gladness meets the world's deepest need."

I hope this is your best year yet...