On Wealth...

I recently returned home after a short stint in Haiti with an organization called Global Orphan Project.

Ahhh Haiti... fried plantain, dusty roads, constant sweat, isuzu trucks loaded down with 40+ people, women with necks of steel carrying loads of 50 pounds on top of their heads, pot holes the size of a backyard pond, children playing soccer on concrete, vicious thunderstorms, rain beating on tin rooftops, green mountains, car horns as a means of communication "here we come," goats grazing in mounds of garbage, unwelcome dogs resembling rats, aggressive driving, traffic jams, naked toddlers waving 'bonjour' from the road side, Haitian Campa, Carribean glory... this is the world that robbed me of my heart nearly 14 years ago. Damn, its been a long time. And yet it was only a moment ago.

During the past week a member of our team asked me if Haiti had changed much since 1996.

"In the way that people live, not really," I replied. "The lifestyle is the same, but there are other changes. There are a lot of cell towers, a whole lotta rubble, and pain from the losses of January 12. You can see the pain and shock still in the eyes of some of the children. However, the most obvious change to me, is that the world is paying attention now. Haiti is on the map."

When I think of the word "map" my thoughts go instantly to a memory from my first trip to Haiti, 1996. I was talking with my friend Gesner (Joosnay in Creole). We were the same age, 19, and yet we had grown up in entirely different worlds. It was a gift for me to know Gesner, and his world, which was far far away from my affluent suburban upbringing.

I was wearing a T-shirt that was popular at the time, displaying 50 flags of various prominent nations around the world. I remember him studying my shirt then saying,

"Where is my country? I don't see it here. Where is Haiti?"

I went and found some markers, and together we drew a huge Haitian flag on the back of the shirt, 10X the size of the other flags. I wish I knew where that shirt was now, I wish I knew where Gesner was now, and hope to God that he's alive. They are paying attention now, Gesner, the world knows Haiti.

Now I have been convinced for a long long time that God exists, but when I look at Haiti, I know right down to the very nucleus of my existence that God is real. When I see the fingerprints of China, France, the U.S., Canada, and other nations responding to the cries of people trapped under the rubble of starvation, homelessness, AIDs, illiteracy, isolation and loss, I know that all human beings are image bearers of a compassionate God. We have within our DNA the potential to carry out works of immeasurable good, this we cannot escape, whether we acknowledge God or not, the potential for good explodes from within.

Another question asked of me during my recent week in Haiti was this:

"What is wealth?"

Crazy... I had begun thinking about this question on my first trip to Haiti in 1996, and here is my answer now...

Wealth is the smile of a child, that makes you want to freeze time and study all of the joy that radiates from the eyes that know they are loved by you.

Wealth is seizing the opportunity to comfort a child who is experiencing, almost hourly, the shock of her home crumbling, as the earth moves uncontrollably beneath her feet. The tenderness of your hand on her shoulder, and your presence of love communicates to her that there is life beyond loss and stability beyond chaos and fear.

Wealth is the glory of an orange and purple sunset over rolling, grass-covered hills. You are wealthy when you have the opportunity, the time, to sit and watch the sun go to bed.

Wealth is sincere gratittude when you receive a bowl of rice and beans that will allow you to sleep without hunger. Being thankful for a place to rest, a roof to keep the rain away, and a bowl of food. Thank you, God, that I will not go to sleep hungry tonight. Thank you for this meal.

Wealth exists in community, where people care for each other's needs, and depend on the others in order to survive. I had the privilege of meeting the little baby who had been featured on a 60 Minutes episode back in March of this year. Her life came as the result of the rape of a slave girl, child slavery being a common practice in Haiti. What a horrific beginning to life, and yet this baby has a fan club of over 80 children, and nearly a dozen mothers to care for her. This is the gift of community.

In Haiti, wealth is abundant. Yes, people are hurting from loss, suffering from disease, still hungry, and illiterate, and yet the lack of "worldly" wealth (money, houses, status, cars, cocktails, designer clothes, season Broncos tickets, international travel, and much more) creates space for abundant love and simple gratitude to expound. Uncluttered by worldly wealth there is room for love to grow and be experienced, unchoked by the distractions of materialism. It is very difficult to understand or experience this simple love and joy when every posession/experience I could ever want is close within my reach and ability to obtain.

Americans aren't wealthy, we're distracted. With everything that money can buy, most Americans (myself included) pacify the deepest needs of the heart with monetary pursuits that offer temporary comfort and yet never truly fulfill our deepest human needs.

While I was in Haiti, our team visited 6 orphanages. This was one of the wealthiest experiences of my life, unmatched by a Tiffany's shopping spree, or a Napa Wine Tour. Even better than an undefeated Wolverine football season. In the eyes of God, these children are the diamonds that some people bleed and go to the death for in the diamond fields. They are gold and precious jewels to the God who is love. To have the opportunity to love and serve, and be loved by these orphans is an experience far too expensive to be bought.

Three years ago Tom Brady, New England's irreplacable QB, made this statement in a press conference: "Why do I have 3 Super Bowl rings and still think there's something greater out there for me? I mean, maybe a lot of people would say, 'Hey Man, this is it.' I reached my goal, my dream, my life. God, its got to be more than this. I mean, this isn't, this can't be what its all cracked up to be."... the reflection of a man who has supposedly "arrived at the top" of what our American culture values most. His honesty is both chilling and heart breaking.

In the years between my first trip to Haiti and my return visit, I have lived very well, not wanting for much, which isn't in itself a bad thing, I will not judge the heart's motives of anyone but myself. I am very grateful that God reminded me in a very real and physical way of what is completely valuable and precious to Him.

I will keep the sand of Haiti in my shoes, and remember what it truly means to be wealthy.

1996
2010

The Low Country

It doesn't matter whether I am baking in the middle of 90 degree Denver, listening to the children play in the tree next to my yard, or resting on the dock in my bikini at Lake Louise, listening to the hum of ski boats pulling laughing kids over boat wakes on tubes... when I read Pat Conroy's description of th Low Country, floating down a river on Sullivan's Island, following the tide out to the Atlantic, I can almost taste the sea salt on my tongue, and breathe in the sweetness of Pametto breeze...

"In the summertime, the salt water that floods the creeks and bays and coves of South Carolina is warm and sun-shot and silken to the touch. It did not hurt or shock to enter the water, but soothed and washed away the frazzled nerves of our runaway week. The creek was dark with the nutients gathered in the great salt marsh; you could not see your hand if you opened your eyes underwater. We were swimming in a part of the Atlantic that the state of South Carolina has borrowed for awhile. Now the tide was hurtling back, drawing the essence of its marshes, the blue crabs lying in wait for stragglers who would soon be prey. As the tide receded the oysters would be locked tight, retaining a shot-glass-full of seawater that would hold them until the next full tide; the flounders hidden in the mud flats; the mullets flashing in quick silver sea grass; the small sharks nosing around for carrion; the blue herrons straight-legged and heraldic in the motionless hunt; the snowy egrets - the only creatures in the Low Country - whose name invoked winter - staring at the shallows for the quick run of minnows... we remained wordless for the first 100 yards, remarkable only in our stillness and the rightness of the moment."

Love it.

A Taste of Heaven

"Sometimes its hard to tell where earth stops and heaven starts."

Monterey, June 2010

Selfless

So the other day at work, I bumped into a friend of mine, another nurse who had come in to do competencies. It seemed like a long time had passed since I'd seen her, maybe three weeks? I had heard through the grape vine that she and her husband had recently picked up a baby from the hospital via social services. What a story! So they get a phone call on a Friday evening, and the social worker asks them if they are interested in this two-day-old baby girl. Within 12 hours, they are at the hospital, picking up the little baby and taking her home. Its not your typical transition to parenthood... they had nothing... no baby shower, no nursery with the pottery barn crib set, not even bottles or diapers! So enroute to the hospital, they picked up a carseat, and on the way home, they stopped at Target for pampers and formula.

Heide showed me pictures on her phone... Lyle, her husband, holding the little princess and giving her a bottle. She has a sweet sweet face, and looked like she'd come straight from heaven, as all newborns do. I smiled as I looked at the pictures.

"I'm cutting back my hours," Heide told me. "I'll be on FMLA for 8 weeks... we're not sure if we're gonna be able to keep Mia yet. You see... the way it works, they have to contact all of her family members to see if anyone else wants to take her, and then if they don't, we get to keep her and the adoption goes through. But I think it is so important, whether we get to adopt her or not, that she be able to bond well in these first 10 weeks of her life. It could make all the difference for her in the long run, even if she has to go somewhere else and has a rough time there, she will have a foundation of love to build on."

I don't think I'll ever look at Heide the same way again. She has no idea what she gave to me just by sharing her life... the opportunity to witness what truly selfless love is. It encourages me just to know that love like this exists in the world. I pray with all my heart that Mia will be able to stay with, and become the daughter of these two wonderful people, who are willing to sacrifice so much, not only their time, income, and sleep, but their hearts as well. I don't know if I could do it, I highly doubt I could, the bond between mother and child is so strong. ... to bond with a child that you may have to let go of, because its an investment in that child's life, in her future, even though you may never see her again after those 10 weeks are up. It is a gift to me just to know this kind of love exists.

And I am convinced that the world gives medals to all the wrong people.

Encouraged by this...

I don't like to watch the news. It seems that I am always reminded of some injustice against the innocent, a child's way disrupted by none of ther own choosing, the reality of a broken world. So what is my part? My piece amidst the chaos?

"The only thing necessary for evil to prevail is for good men (and women) to do nothing" -Edmond Burke.

That thing about pride coming before the fall...

Its true.

Today I was told how good I looked skiing down the mountain...

and not 3 minutes later, I was sliding backwards 50 fifty down a black diamond, leaving a yard sale behind me.

Made for a good laugh, and no injuries, thank God.

Top 10 Ideal Retirement Jobs

Its about this time of year, on the home stretch of respiratory season, that I begin to dream about what I would do if income were not a necessity. Don't get me wrong, it is a privilege to be able to work, and to care for sweet little people, yet in the midst of 12 hour days, snotty babies, and albuterol treatments, compounded by my need to resurrect some high school spanish, I think about...

1) Being the story hour lady... wearing the hats and doing different voices for each character.
2) Leading the ski school parade of snowplowers down the slope... little people on their first trip to the mountains!
3) Designing and building my own doll houses... a row house, a southern plantation, an east coast salt box.
4) Opening my own bookstore/teahouse/bistro.
5) Planting an organic garden in a low income neighborhood and inviting the local kiddos to take part.
6) Reading all the books on my list.
7) Moving to Costa Rica for a year just to surf.
8) Being a historical presenter at Greenfield Village, all decked out in 19th century garb, ready to play the part and inspire a child's imagination.
9) Becoming a photojournalist... telling stories, motivating acts of compassion, and exploring those places I have only yet dreamed of, with my camera.
10) Doing full time nonprofit work and traveling to orphanages around the world to volunteer.

Never say never.