Closer to Free

So it hasn't been the eventful summer that it so often is. I said no to a trip to Panama, and no again to Italy. Sometimes saying no is without a doubt, the right thing to do, and yet, the adventure-seeking side of me protests and hurts every time that "n" word comes out of my mouth. I was recently reminded by my friend, Erin, that "God takes us through different seasons in life." And though my life has not been full of adventure lately, the experience of this current season has proven to be valuable in a way that I can only hope will be long-lasting.

My summer began with three huge, wapping yard sales, in which I decreased my net "stuff factor" by about 60%. Now I have been on a gradual "stuff" purge ever since the beginning of travel nursing and my exodus from the midwest, but the events of early June have proven to be the crescendo in this saga.

I used to live in an 800 sq foot condo with 4 overflowing closets, and a storage unit packed to the ceiling. Now if anyone had ever asked me at that time, to throw away the things I did not need, I would have replied that I had nothing to throw away, because, put very simply... I needed all of it. That's right, every picture frame, photo album, candle holder, shoes I wore only once a year with that one outfit, books I hadn't read, skiis with broken bindings that I clung to purely for the sake of nostolgia. And here's the plain truth... at the time, I needed all of that stuff... and yet I don't anymore, and I'm really not sure why I changed my mind. How does one go from being a packrat to a minimalist? From thinking I was "free" to "exceedingly free?"

Perhaps it was the experience of travel nursing, and realizing, that all I really needed to exist and thrive, I could pack in the back of a Ford Focus. Anything that exceeded that space, was not a necessity for me. That experience taught me that I actually needed very little "stuff" to survive.

When travel nursing was over, I realized that every time I was moving, I was hauling (or paying to haul) and reorganize junk. VHS tapes, an old vase, a waterlogged Ansel Adams poster, a book of combat photos from Vietnam, mugs, 25 cent wine glasses. A dozen things it seemed I could not live without.

Skiis, books, furniture, a beautiful home, I don't think that any of these are bad things, they only became bad for me when one of this or that was never enough, when more was always needed, when those "things" that I felt I could not live without, began to make promises that they could never keep.

With all of the junk purging, there are a few treasures I will always keep... the toy plane given to me on Brittish Airways on my first journey to Europe in 1979, Grandpa's John Deere Tractor lamp (when you push on the seat, the wheels turn), the faded painting of the blonde girl with the basket of daisies, hiding in the barn. I used to climb up on Grandma's bench to look at that picture when I was too small to see it at eye level, and when Grandma went to heaven, Grandpa let me have it.

These are the treasures, the few things I will hold onto... the rest can go and good riddance. I want to be free enough that I could move tomorrow... to Charlotte, to Munic, or perhaps Dubai... or maybe remain here, unhindered and weightless, and all the more prepared... to live.

So I have been thinking... what is wealth? And perhaps the definition of that is different for different people... for me it is to watch children laugh, to know love, to witness acts of compassion, to see and experience God's world. This is where wealth cannot be measured, these are the things that do not rot.

A woman's life does not consist in the abundance of her posessions.